{"id":7,"date":"2025-07-30T22:20:52","date_gmt":"2025-07-30T22:20:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/themartians.co.uk\/?page_id=7"},"modified":"2025-07-31T17:59:47","modified_gmt":"2025-07-31T17:59:47","slug":"welcome-puny-humans","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/themartians.co.uk\/","title":{"rendered":"Welcome, Puny Humans"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><strong>Things we have learned in your absence:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>The toaster will heat up a bath full of water, but not in a good way.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>It takes 5.3 hours, working at random, to put every single video in the wrong box.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The shelves in the hallway are weaker than anticipated.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>John&#8217;s book collection contains 84 532 pages which are essential to plot. It takes 327 mugs of coffee to put a brown stain on each of these pages. This is an average rate of just over 258.5 pages per mug.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>John&#8217;s Doctor Who memorabelia is worth a combined total of \u00a37680.72 on eBay, but only \u00a3327.15 at a car boot sale.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Current fire-prevention supplies in the flat are insufficient. See point 1.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Our longest extension lead will not let the TV play all the way to the street, instead you get sparks as it passes the third floor windows.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The electricity meter <em>can<\/em> be used as a fan, if you have enough plug adapters.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The following items are flammable: Paper. Carpets. Electrical cables. Visitors. The clothes hanger. John&#8217;s room. Tea.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Edinburgh doctors no longer give cash for bodies.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>We can only get the smoke-machine accessory bit of John&#8217;s mixing desk to work. Current fire provisions remain a concern.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>John&#8217;s credit card is accepted in most Edinburgh hotels.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>That is all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Love,<br>The Martians<br>x<\/p>\n\n\n\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/4mLLojyCDig?si=FyBQxqW8ECrIz0_W\" title=\"YouTube video player\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Things we have learned in your absence: That is all. Love,The Martiansx<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-7","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/themartians.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/7","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/themartians.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/themartians.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themartians.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themartians.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/themartians.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/7\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":27,"href":"https:\/\/themartians.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/7\/revisions\/27"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/themartians.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}